Virtual Ghosts

So Twitter is all a buzz about the death of Teena Marie. People are tweeting in remembrance of her soulful music, as well as her accomplishments. Many people are posting links to her songs, while telling the world about the impact her music had on their lives. Questlove of the Roots, aka @questlove, has been tweeting about her death, and while some tweeps have found his tweets annoying, I found his tweet to Teena Marie's daughter rather sweet: "@RoseyDough your mom was a rare phoenix of a soul. she will be missed."

All of this got me thinking about how death and social media outlets mix. I'm sure many of you have seen facebook tribute pages created to remember and mourn the death of a loved one or a celebrity. Social media outlets have become, for many, a way to grieve with a virtual community. This concept intrigues me. A Newsweek article, titled "R.I.P. on Facebook," discusses the concept of virtual grief: "One might imagine such virtual mourning is shallow, but it's not. Here is a real gathering place, where friends can grieve together—and where the deceased continues, in some sense, to exist." Here in Chicago, the media has been a buzz about two firefighters, who recently lost their lives while extinguishing a fire. This buzz has not been limited to the news media. I have seen friends tweeting about it, posting R.I.P. facebook statuses, and changing their profile pictures to commemorate these men. A facebook memorial page has even been dedicated to them.

So, does virtual grieving really help? A recent study found that virtual grieving has virtually no effect. The study was conducted by doctoral student Amanda Vicary and psychology professor R. Chris Fraley. The study, which surveyed students after the Virginia Tech and NIU shootings, found that "[m]ost of the students reported that their online activities related to the shootings made them feel better...[b]ut the analysis revealed that the degree to which students engaged in online activities or communications about these tragedies had no discernible effect on their ultimate recovery from depressive or PTSD symptoms." So virtual grieving doesn't really help one in the grieving process, other than making one believe that it does help in the grieving process...

Now, I'll admit that I have at times questioned virtual grieving. I mean, I can understand when friends and family grieve together on-line, but isn't it a bit odd when people come together on-line to grieve a celebrity they have never met? I know, I know, to each is own... but still, I find myself pondering it all. I guess what I really don't understand is when someone dies and their social media site doesn't die with them. Twitter and facebook are filled with pages of the dead. For instance, DJ AM's Twitter page is still up, even though he has been dead for over a year. People can continue to view the pages of the dead, read their tweets or status updates, check out their pictures, write on their wall, send a message, and so on... The dead of social media sites are like virtual ghosts.  

Is it a little morbid that people continue to visit these sites? At first, I thought it was - well, part of me still thinks it is - but after thinking about it a bit more, I thought about how I grieved when my father died. I called his phone a few times hoping he would answer. I slept in one of his flannels. I smelled his hats and his sweaters for weeks, until his scent faded away.  I even cried myself to sleep, curled in fetal position, while clinging to his urn. So I wonder, if my father had a facebook page or a twitter account, would I have continued to view it? I probably would have. With that said, I guess I can understand why some people cling to the social media sites of the dead. It is a way to hold onto them. However, at some point, you must learn to let go in order to heal... And maybe letting go means deactivating their facebook page or closing their Twitter account.


In light of all this, I think you should read "Death and Twitter: Why you should make every tweet count."

 

Tell me, how do you feel about this?